my name is ππΚπΎππΚ and i'm 29-years-old. a bisexual, polyamorous, gender non-conforming trans male, autistic and full of adhd. i figured myself out in california for 10 years, having raised myself in a liminal waiting room somewhere in illinois before that. i'm living in the midwest again, but it's different this time.
i have always loved music and art and all of my fondest childhood memories revolve around music and art. music often felt like the only escape i had, living as isolated and emotionally neglected as i did. i went a long time without any good friends to speak of and spent a lot of time alone and/or online--however, it's important to mention that animals, pets, and nature were parts of my life that really, really mattered to me. it was only on the internet that i was able to find other people who i had things in common with, could get along with, and didnβt feel like a burden to. having never attended middle school, high school or college, things like livejournal, tumblr, and aim were incredible outlets for me that i appreciate to this day.
online i was able to discuss music i loved, free of bullying and ridicule, i was able to express how music made me feel with people who understood how i felt, i could discover and explore music new to me and get lost in all of it... i started to feel less like i was separate, defective, and closed off from everyone and everything.
along the way it was clear to me, rapidly, that things didn't feel right when i thought about who i was, how i presented myself, how i saw myself, how i imagined myself in my head, and embodiments i deeply longed for and was drawn to but couldn't yet explain or understand.
all along, i was closing in on an unconventional expression of masculinity; androgynous, far from common or hypermasculinity, generally little to no gender conformity in men with effeminate features, mannerisms, self expression, styles, etc. men with long hair, bedroom eyes, laid-back, clownish, or hard to read personalities, amongst stoners, musicians, artists--oftentimes combined traits. it's no wonder the man i've grown to be features traces of men who formed him along the way.
if you can believe it, just as i was realizing i was a boy all along and never knew him, never lived as him, a friend i'd made online who sooner rather than later became my best friend and a confidant in my lonely life, also was realizing very quickly he wasn't the daughter his parents thought they had, but instead a creative, intelligent, stubborn teenage boy that i fell in love with nearly 3 years after i first started talking to him. we've been inseperable (at one point seperated only by geography, connected by internet and periodic visits offline) ever since. we celebrated our 12th anniversary september 2, 2025 and have lived together for 10 years.
at one point i felt like my life would not, could not exceed 25 years... if that. next year i turn 30 and it's a surprise, a milestone, an achievement, a gift, an opportunity, an open door, a new decade; i'm still here.
it's nice to meet you... i'm an effeminate male, gnc degenerate, rivethead, pervert, stim-seeker, stoner, artist.
i love industrial music, and some of my favorite bands are nine inch nails, skinny puppy, and ministry.