12/17/2025, 8:10 am cst

christmas is getting closer but things have been difficult leading up to it. things haven't improved much at my place of work, but of course i love my friendworkers (what i call my coworkers) and they're a resilient and special group of people who i really care about. they haven't given up on this place and even with the cons, they're still here. i'm grateful for all of them, and i feel like the very, very near future holds much needed change... something has to give... the hours i've been getting are totally insufficient but i've been doing my best. thankfully i'm relatively frugal and know how to save money and be mindful with my money but still it has been difficult. i can't quit, not with how little luck i've ever had getting hired ever, and how little luck i have in being treated like a human being and respected by management once i do get hired somewhere. the job market is also not at all stable right now and there is not an abundance of work i qualify for.

but even with all of this, and some very difficult things going on outside of work, i'm remaining present and there is a lot i am grateful for. i always remind myself of what i am grateful for--not that i forget. i have incredible friends that mean so much to me, i have people in my life that genuinely care about me and love me, my partner and i are so tight-knit and have a really, really strong relationship that is unbreakable, and i've continued to make art too. and of course i still work on this website and have more planned for it. i just need to get my ideas out and create everything i have in mind for this place. i want to revamp my shrines, put together some graphics galleries, and absolutely i will get my art uploaded here as well. i've been meaning to do that for some time, on the previous version of my website i did have a small collection of my art visible, but there's plenty more i could share, of course. i will get to that--there's digital and traditional art i will be sharing. and i just recently finished another sketchbook, as well. that's my third sketchbook finished! i spent years struggling to finish sketchbooks because i was so insecure in my art and my skill but in recent years that has absolutely changed. i have the most confidence now i've ever had in my skills and it's been a long, long time coming. i spent many years hating things i was drawing because i was so unhappy with myself and my skill and what came out of my hands... but it's different now. i have hard-earned skill that i've spent 25 years honing and i think it shows... i've worked hard to develop the art style and skill i have.

i think i'm going to also make a very concerted effort to make music. i've done it before, but like my physical and digital art, it's been difficult in the past to feel good about music i made. my tools were always limited, and i didn't have confidence in myself or my skill to feel really good about anything i created. i liked some of it, but i can't say i was ever deeply satisfied with any songs i'd created. i think that will be completely different this time around, and i think it's about time i really sit down to musically ruminate and see what comes of it... i'm excited for this. i know music takes time and can't be rushed.

i think today will be a good day... it is off to a good start and for that, despite everything, i am deeply grateful. i really am.

— t